You know how movies and books always show crazy, spontaneous acts of love that come at the perfect time and are far beyond the expectations of the person receiving them?
This is not real life.
But before you go lowering your expectations for the romance in your relationship, there are ways to keep the butterflies alive! It's just going to take a little more work and planning than they shown in romantic comedies.
Planning romantic times with your significant other is not cheating the system. We live in the real world where everyone is busy with careers, kids, PTA, soccer games, church, events, the list goes on and on. Here are some tips on planning for romance and the benefits that will follow:
Designated Date Night: Pick a night, it doesn't have to be Friday, and give it the name "Date Night." No cell phones, no iPads, no distractions. If you have kids, book a babysitter for that night from now until forever. You and your significant other NEED this. Think of it as an investment in your future happiness.
Make A List of Practical and Dream Dates: If you wait until an hour before your date and say, "What do you want to do?" it's an instant mood killer. Sit down together and come up with a list of practical dates that you both enjoy. For example, the zoo, the aquarium, a museum, browsing the book store, taking a cooking class, etc. Then make a list of Dream Dates that you will have once every couple of months. These are the more extravagant dates that you couldn't do on a weekly basis. Now schedule a week in advance.
Schedule Sex: This sounds like the most unromantic thing on the planet, but if you can't even remember the last time you got it on, obviously the spontaneous sessions aren't working. Plus, knowing all day that you're going to get lucky that night is going to put you in the mood! If you're skeptical, try it, and see how you feel after. (Hint: You'll feel great.)
Planning Leads To Surprises: When you're working to keep the romance alive, you and your partner are more likely to be in the mood to surprise each other. You may want to take one date night in the month and make it a secret date that you know the other will just die over. You may start see impromptu romantic acts, no matter how small, from your spouse.
The bottom line is you have to make a conscious decision to improve the romance in your relationship. Nothing magical is going to happen without a little bit of hard work.